I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
