What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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