I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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