question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
