My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
