I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
