masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When are your genitals available?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
