Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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