I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
In America we eat man semen.
you win again, gameday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
