Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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