how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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