wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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