She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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