Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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