Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
