my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
