Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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