if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
