Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
