brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
