the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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