My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
