well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
