ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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