Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
