nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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