I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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