My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
