There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
