So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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