It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We have so much sex to catch up on
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
