I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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