i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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