Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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