Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
