I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
