the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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