he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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