This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
