If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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