talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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