Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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