I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
