Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
