Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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