hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
