Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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