Soap is not a condiment
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
