Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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