Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
