I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
