I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
