somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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