Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
