Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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