she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
