Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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