I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
