Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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